Is He Husband Material?
Updated: Jan 7
He's cute, he's charming...but is he husband material? While we may be charmed by good conversation or bouquets of flowers, the ultimate question in the end is if the guy has qualities that are good for marriage!
There are number of qualities to look at to answer our "Is he husband material?" question--but we'll take a look at two key qualities that we can even find from the Bible!
Is He Husband Material?
Is He Husband Material? Check if he is FAITHFUL.
Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? - Proverbs 20:6
If you are wondering if he is husband material - check if he is FAITHFUL. As the verse above says, many are quick to claim about their devotion and love, but what sets men apart is their FAITHFULNESS.
The word faithful in the Hebrew language is the word "sakal", which is taken to mean: being trustworthy and being reliable.
He is husband material if is faithful in two aspects --
1 - He is faithful and loyal to you.
It should a HARD REQUIREMENT for one to be husband material for him to honest and truthful with you. This would mean that other than God, he is devoted only to you and no other woman. Don't be too caught up by grand gestures and sweet talk. Check if he is husband material by assessing if he does not lie to you or deceive you in small things (e.g. his favorite stuff) and even big things (e.g. where he went last weekend).
2 - He is faithful and trustworthy with his resources.
This is something we don't often give much thought about when it comes to checking if he is husband material. BUT, let me tell you -- THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. Check the man's finances, not to demand for someone who is filthy rich, but to check if he handles his money well. Check if he is "husband material" by asking yourself these things:
Is he diligent enough to make a way to earn money for himself & his future family, or is he lazy and OK with not working at all?
Is he generous with his finances -- especially to the church and to the needy?
Does he have a habit of borrowing money? (Yikes! I hope he doesn't!)
Is he frugal? Does he live within his means? (Or would he buy sneakers or a new phone even if outside his budget?)
Is he willing to spend money on you? Or are you the one treating him out all the time? (NOTE: We do not promote women's materialism. We are actually pro-"splitting the bill". The point here is that, the guy should not be dependent on you.)
A lot of guys that we find cute would NOT pass the "Is he husband material?" test if you take this part seriously. But, that's the point! Start observing, even with the little things, because it will play a part in your eventual marriage! As Luke 16 says:
One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.
Is He Husband Material? Check if he is KIND & GRACIOUS.
What is desired in a man is kindness, And a poor man is better than a liar. - Proverbs 19:22
The second quality to check in our "is he husband material" test is being KIND - as you can see in the verse above. This is a trait that is "desired in a man".
The word kindness in the Hebrew language is the word "chesed", which is taken to mean: grace, unfailing love, and mercy.
He is husband material if he is gracious and loving--one who is able to overlook offenses and forgive! A lot of men nowadays are full of anger and annoyance because they don't speak up when offended, and then they keep score and just burst when already "full of it". He is husband material if he is able to process your offenses with you and help you change for the better--rather than treating your mistakes as bullets in his pocket that he can use when he messes up. Let's admit it--us ladies tend to go cranky, needy and demanding...or maybe it's just me? ;) What we want for a man who will pass the "Is he husband material?" test is one who can handle our personalities (not overrule it--'cause I am a type A myself) with love and grace.
The truth is that a man is only able to have chesed kind of love when he has Christ in his life. You see--chesed here pertains to grace and kindness that is UNCONDITIONAL. It is used to described the kind of love that God has for us which is just unending in a "I can't help but love you" kind of way. So, look for a man who is husband material because he is full of grace from God, that it just naturally overflows with how we relates to you :)
A final note:
Women: Make sure to check if he is husband material before you consider him for marriage, or even for a relationship. Yet, don't expect perfection -- that's a wrong path to go to. Nobody can be 100% perfect yet, even with just these 2 qualities that check if he is husband material -- but if there is an intent to work these traits out by God's help (and there is growth and improvement), then that should be a good sign ;)
Men: During your waiting season, may you desire to build ourselves up with these traits, not just because you want to be husband material, but also because they are for your own growth and development :)